Today I missed a very important event for my family. Today, August 12, 2006, my brother graduated from college. So I can only imagine how, "Robert Flores. Jr. B.S. Mathematics Summa Cum Laude" sounded this morning. I can only picture how my mother's face must have looked and the tears that must have run down my dad's face. This was the first college graduation that my family has ever attended. Not too long ago my brother graduated from the Marine Corp.; this is his first academic graduation. He skipped his high school graduation because he was in alternative school. No one who grew up with us would believe that he has completed college with such honors and that he will embark on yet another journey next week, medical school. I have only told a few people about him, only because I am afraid that we are in a dream. If I shout with all the joy my heart can hold, "My brother is going to medical school at UT Soutwestern!", I am afraid that I'll wake us all up. But you know what? I am going to shout it, and I am not going to be afraid...If we wake up and it has all been a dream, then I know we CAN DREAM because we have never lost our hope.

It's intersting how I know more people who have been incarcerated than people who have started college...I mean people in my family...I'm just really happy for my parents and my brother. And it is real, not a dream.

Breathing again!

I turned in my big paper yesterday, and now I'll wait to see what grades I'll get...I hate being graded, but that's another blog entry...

Now I just bought a fun book, Alone; it's supposed to be a mystery thriller. So that means I'll probably be hearing little things and sleeping with the phone next to my pillow. The alternative could be waking up from a nightmare about a paper.

Thinking Back

A few days ago I was sitting in the dentist's office waiting as usual, and I stumbled on a local magazine that featured average SAT scores at local high schools. I then began to think about my average SAT score from 1990 (www.infoplease.com/ipa/. My GPA helped that average score, and fortunately I was awarded an academic scholarship to a pretty good school. Unfortunately, I needed a $500 deposit for the dorms. I didn't really understand how the scholarship worked and knew my dad didn't have the $$$. So I called the school and told them I would not be attending in the fall. Really simple, really quick. My next call was to the U.S. Army. What I still think about often is why no one tried to stop me. I wonder why the counselor at school did not intervene. Although I was a very quiet student, my favorite teacher did not even ask me what I was doing. My parents were more worried about "Why I wanted to be a man?" than about giving up that scholarship. Moreover, why didn't I ask...I just gave up. I wonder what would have happened to me if I had gone to college right after high school...I sometimes think about this. I guess writing papers about the digital divide and access make me contemplate my own literacy and educational journey.

School in General and This Semester

I have to keep in perspective that my grades do not measure who I am and the extent of what I have learned. As I complete my final essays, the doubter in me lurks over my shoulders. The dark shadow tells me to stop revising and just turn it in 'cause it (the paper) is what it is. But I keep sitting here rewriting and rewriting trying to make it better. Sometimes I feel like it is like trying to clean up a junk yard. And I can see the finish line, can touch it. Here is where I want to just stop running/writing/thinking/ and sit on the curb. Running out of gas/flat tires/cannot go anymore...But everyone is watching me run this race and waiting for me to fall out...I am breathing so loud.

Reading an Online Book

Tonight I skimmed through and read some of an online book, Passions, Pedagogies in the 21st Century (Selfe and Hawisher). It went pretty quickly, reading online seems faster than with paper. I missed my highlighter and wanted to write in the margins but couldn't.

Lots of good stuff in that book!

Freewriting and Blogging and Wrinkles

After some discussion and thought, I probably would not assign freewrites on the blog. Elbow has said, and Caron and Shana, reminded me that freewriting is supposed to be safe. Even with anonymous blogging, I think I would go back to the freewrite as being as Elbow originally described it to be.

And I didn't have a headache today in class; this weekend I was standing under a fluorescent light and noticed not a wrinkle, but a deep crease in my forehead. Since then I have been noticing that when I get stressed, my whole face tenses. So I was massaging my big crease on my forehead, trying to relax...but it wasn't working. No headache. Sorry to have been wearing my emotions. I have always had trouble controlling my nonverbal communication, a habit that not even the worst punishment could curb.

We only have a few weeks of school left and alot to do; I guess it must have really hit me today. I just want to do a good job, my best. I better start writing my papers soon...I feel like I am standing in the middle of very messy room, my notes and sources, and I just have to get started...

Blogging and Message Boards

After hearing Millie's presentation, I've been thinking about my own. I think I originally said that I wanted to explore voice and identity (culture,etc) in classrooms with messageboards. I will now incorporate "and blogging". I see plenty of opportunity using both tools in class. I think most of the students are doing a research section of their paper and then a practical application section. At least that's what I gathered from Trevor, Trang, and Jane's presentations. I'll ask Cathy when we discuss written rough drafts.

Anyway here is what some of the dividing factor to include both...Although Faigley reports success with synchrous message boards(almost 10yrs ago), in "When Blogging Goes Bad", Stephen Krause says that he thinks emailing is better. He writes, "But I still see the dynamic and conversational exchange made possible by a rather "old fashioned" electronic writing genre, email-- specifically, an electronic mailing list discussion-- as uniquely valuable in writing classes." He says he has more control, the ability to monitor. http://english.ttu.edu/kairos While he says blogging has a place in the classroom, he definitely advocates an emailing type system. On the other hand, I cannot ignore Ferdig and Trammel when they say blogging opens new perspectives and new audiences.

What do you think about using the class discussion board asynchrounously for editing papers? Then using the blog for free writes and research? But keeping the blog anonymous. For instance the blogs would be posted on the class website but not with students' names. (I think everything we have heard a presentation on blogging, at least a couple of people mention privacy). Does this sound manageable? It's sort of like what we did this semester with the synthesis papers on the discussion board and research on the web. Also if we met in the writing lab for class, we could start class once a week with a free write on the blog.

I can't wait to see how this is going to work in a real situation...I personally enjoy this part of class...the blogging and message boards. Maybe 'cause I'm nosey. I always wonder what everyone else is thinking/some people are so quiet.

Sorry this entry isn't really an analysis of an article. Just wanted to see what you'd think of using both in the classroom